Anchor

In recent years I've had these anchors: relationships that didn't mean much to me... Nice body, nice face, but eventually... Good education, work, but... Yes, the bottom line is extremely little to no feeling. I admit it: everything was often overlaid by this cloud, which soon faded away. I suffered a lot, my parents often "fooled" me (of course, they hurt me, but... I'm even more emotionally cold anyway). The problem lies precisely in this clutched coldness of feeling. Because somewhere in you you want what (although) is not, (nevertheless) to end. You want the inner turmoil, the voices to fuck off. You want to go to bed and get up at regular times, do chores because you think that's okay. And above all, you want to deal with people who mean something to you, who don't disgust you. Yes, that's the worst. This bottomless anger at yourself for not succeeding. I could cry so badly, but the tiredness is stronger.